WANDERLUST

In the shower scrubbing off the dirt of the day, a memory of walking through Prague at night transports me out of this city and back into those troubled, wonderful days of wandering and discovery, into the black air and the golden glow of streetlights on old cobblestones and the sound of an occasional passerby speaking a somehow-familiar language that i did not understand,

at the time i took that walk i had no understanding of why i needed to leave the flat I shared with Helen and wander in search of nothing. it is common in my life for me to seek solitude and to walk purposelessly around with open eyes and ears, imprinting images and sounds and thoughts in my mind’s eye.

and tonight i ask myself, if perhaps the reason why i wander in search of nothing tangible is so that i can remember.

i’m moving through the sceneries of life rapidly. my mind softly distorts the memories so that they glow golden as the cobblestones, so they come upon me soothing and comforting and nostalgic. at the time things surely were not so.

and so i’m stuck in memories that remind me of where i’ve been, transport me over oceans and on top of mountains and inside the kitchens of old homes i haven’t seen in years. i wonder if there is a way to live in the moment and not become blinded by nostalgia for so many yesterdays. i want to record every memory that surprises me and capture their comfort when they come upon me, somehow share their warmth and their beauty and the feeling of truth that words fail to describe.

when i cannot place words to something to share it, it seems more powerful and leering and real. but then my mind’s eye shuts and my real eyes open and i see where i am. strange to know this will be a memory too, someday, and that i will look back on these days as beautiful and golden and nostalgic. i will read these words and long to be in the shoes of this self, just as i long now for a million moments faded.

Reflections on Teach for America Institute

Leading up to my first day in the classroom, I understood that I was about to embark upon the most challenging experience of my life. In the weeks before Induction, I resigned myself to the fact that the next two years were going to be about something bigger than myself. I imagined two years of sacrifice for my students, of deliberate action and self-reflection, of stony resilience in the face of outstanding difficulty. What I did not anticipate, and what I have experienced over and over again during my last month in the classroom, is the joy that I find in my interactions with my students. I did not anticipate how deeply I would care for them and enjoy them as human beings, and how powerfully their classroom successes would touch me. 

I’ve seen my fellow teachers at Institute do amazing things. I see how much we care about doing right for the students that we teach, and this inspires me daily to continue working towards a destination for my students that can sometimes feel out of reach.

Yet, looking back over the past month, my greatest hope for this effort comes from my students themselves. Before I met them, I could tell you all about the achievement gap in terms of statistics and the need for better teachers and more progressive education policy. But until I met my students, I didn’t understand the potential in every child and couldn’t see the human face of the problem. The fact is that Corey Cantrell and Antonio Brinson could probably beat me in a multiplication timed test, yet according to common knowledge, in this country today they have a greater chance of going to prison than going to college.

That’s what the statistics say. But what I know to be true, is that Corey and Antonio and every student in my class this summer has the potential to do amazing things. They deserve the best from me, and from any teacher fortunate enough to have them in the future. What we are about to become, if we choose to do so, are catalysts of opportunity and inspiration for our students. What gives me hope is that if I do my job, if I support my students and set the expectations high, they can and they will flourish.

RESOLUTION

Music soothes, yet heart paces, mind races, 

 - Always more I could do. 

It’s time for reflection, time for pause.

My failures are not my own anymore. 

My every action characterized by newfound responsibility and a sense of duty. 

I choose to do this well, I choose to do this deliberately. 

Deliberate baby, don’t be afraid - be open to failure and what you can learn from it. 

Celebrate success, feel the power of Spirit burning in your gut, 

Billowing up through your lungs and vibrating out of your vocal chords, spiraling into the nothingness of air.

Breathe in, breathe out. Another day, here, in the great testing grounds of resolve and character. 

If not you, Who?

go teacher go teacher go!

YIKES …

Tomorrow I leave my parents’ house, pick up Nishi, then I drive my butt down to New Orleans and the real world begins and my ass is gonna get kicked and i’m gonna make mistakes and feel overwhelmed and humbled by a bunch of kids and i’m gonna struggle and it’s gonna seem impossible sometimes but it is TOTALLY WORTH IT.

…HOLY SHIT !

This is gonna be the most challenging and rewarding thing I’ve ever done, and probably that I’ll ever do in this little life of mine. I gotta make it count ;)